I just wrote a ten paragraph blog about how much I missed Mark. I got ready to publish it and thought, "How ridiculous!" I guess I'm just feeling lost right now. Lost, and stressed, and emotionless. You know, I don't even want to date anyone right now. Being single is not that bad people. Look at my mom, she's been single for three years (ten if you count all the BS beforehand) and she is just fine! My sister dates guys left and right and then dumps them two weeks later. She's in high school though, that's pretty much standard. I like being single for a number of reasons:
Reason one, I need to focus on school. I've switched my major a thousand times which has put me back a few semesters and I just want to be done. I want my bachelors and my masters, and I want to start teaching in my own classroom. If I had a boyfriend right now, it could slow me down and my grades wouldn't be as good as they are. (I'm easily distracted)
Reason two and probably the biggest, I still live with my mother. I never say I live with my parents because it's just my mom and I (and our two awesome dogs). We both go grocery shopping, we both cook, we both clean, we do a lot of stuff together, but we're always contributing to keeping the house up. In short, she is my best friend (besides Jess...she's my bbffl! I love you!!) I wouldn't want a serious boyfriend right now because I don't know how serious he would take me because I still live with my mom. I'll move out on my own, but I'm waiting for the right time because I don't want a roommate. I want my own space, something I can call my own. If I have learned anything from living at home for 22 years, it's that living with someone is not easy. So when the time comes, I'll spread my wings and fly.
Reason three, I'm a fairly independent person. When I was with Mark, I was very inexperienced and young and needed his attention constantly. I can fully admit that. He was my first love, what do you expect!? This could be why we broke it off, but I say it's because he cheated on me right after he moved across the country for me. That's besides the point, I've grown since then and somewhere along the way, I've learned to not put up with men's crap. :) I can do what I want, when I want, and I don't have to consult with anyone. It's pretty nice. I know how to fix things (believe it or not), I can cook (moderately), I clean (usually in spurts, but I get the job done). I guess what I am getting at is that when the time comes for a gentelman to enter my life, he better not be clingy.
Reason four, the best reason ever! You may have thought, don't you miss the sex? Why of course I do! I'm only human. Well let me tell you, life goes on without penises. My girlfriends and I just took a fancy little trip to a sex shop not too long ago. I bought my first vibrator...need I say more?
So yes, I like being single. It's not so bad...
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Unproductive Day
I took a jacuzzi around 2:00 p.m. today aaand I thought about a lot of things.
Thing one, accomplishments of the day included going to Winners Circle to volunteer, having lunch with my friend Ravi, and watching about fifteen episodes of The Office. Great.
Thing two, I was supposed to catch up on five algebra assignments today and definitely did not; so therefore after I get out of work, I'll be up really late doing that. More than likely I'll have a quiz over the homework assignments tomorrow and if I don't get them done tonight, I'm officially screwed.
Thing three, I can't believe my grandfather is still alive. I realize that sounds really bad, but the man hasn't eaten or drank anything in ten days. It's almost amazing. The human body facinates me.
Thing four kind of goes along with thing three. I am going to make sure that I always treat my friends and family with respect. They are the most important aspect of my life and I never want to take them for granted. :)
Thing five, I am going to be single for the rest of my life! Is this a bad thing? Who knows, all I know is that I overthink things waay more than needed...and people that think a lot...are ridiculous and single.
Okay! So these were my thoughts for Tuesday, October 5, 2009. Now I'm going to finish watching this episode of The Office and try and do at least one math assignment before work.
P.S. Work just called and said I don't have to come in...I change the name of this blog to: AWESOME!
(Plans for tonight: finishing math homework at Justin's apartment.)
Thing one, accomplishments of the day included going to Winners Circle to volunteer, having lunch with my friend Ravi, and watching about fifteen episodes of The Office. Great.
Thing two, I was supposed to catch up on five algebra assignments today and definitely did not; so therefore after I get out of work, I'll be up really late doing that. More than likely I'll have a quiz over the homework assignments tomorrow and if I don't get them done tonight, I'm officially screwed.
Thing three, I can't believe my grandfather is still alive. I realize that sounds really bad, but the man hasn't eaten or drank anything in ten days. It's almost amazing. The human body facinates me.
Thing four kind of goes along with thing three. I am going to make sure that I always treat my friends and family with respect. They are the most important aspect of my life and I never want to take them for granted. :)
Thing five, I am going to be single for the rest of my life! Is this a bad thing? Who knows, all I know is that I overthink things waay more than needed...and people that think a lot...are ridiculous and single.
Okay! So these were my thoughts for Tuesday, October 5, 2009. Now I'm going to finish watching this episode of The Office and try and do at least one math assignment before work.
P.S. Work just called and said I don't have to come in...I change the name of this blog to: AWESOME!
(Plans for tonight: finishing math homework at Justin's apartment.)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree
Coog-fact number three: I'm acting more like my mother everyday.
I have been very...lucky, to have lived with my mother for 22 years. I have attempted to move out into my own place about 300 times and for some reason it just hasn't happened yet. I'm really not worried about it; I'm not 30 years old, I don't have a child, I'm pretty okay.
A little about my mom you ask? She looks a lot like me, she's 5'8'' with blonde hair. Oh yeah, and hazel eyes. (mine are brown) (and I have brown hair) (and I'm only 5'51/2"). Okay point being, we already look alike...we have the same smile and face structure. My mother is the absolutely strongest woman that I know of. She is also the most stubborn, fun, drive me up a wall, can make me laugh and cry at the drop a dime, person that I know of.
For the past couple of years, my mom's dad has been struggling with lung and throat cancer. He made the decision last year to not continue with chemo, he would just finish up his last bit of radiation and time will take it's course. Mind you, he lived with us...in our house (in the master bedroom, forcing my mother to live in our guest room). He lived with us for four months, it felt like 6 years. Anyways, that was awhile ago. He started doing worse, so we moved him up here again, however he's been at the Hospice House (I know, it sounds terrible but it's a very nice place) He needs full on 24 hour medical attention with his condition worsening. This past week has been one of the most difficult times for my mom, to sit and watch her dad pass away is a horrible experience. She's been there 24 hours a day, everyday for the past week. And my mom is NOT the type to take off work (dedicated employee to the max!) None of us were that close with my grandfather, but in times of need, family comes together. I've been going to the hospital everyday to sit with my mom because I feel like at any minute she is just going to break. So if anything, I'm there for her. And I think she's been doing better with each day, but she is still really out of it.
My mom's best friend, Lisa, drove from Colorado to be with her during this time. She's amazing, definitely my second mom. We all go out to eat tonight (God knows my mom needs it, she didn't eat for 3 days). And my mom and I are sitting next to each other and Lisa looks at both of us and says "You are definitely your mother's child". And I just look at my mom and smile. Every once in awhile, I'll catch myself saying something that sounds just like my mom and I think to myself, "Nooo....this isn't happening!" It's generally when I say something a little bitchy. Everyone knows that I can be a bit on the bitchy side, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Those people that are complete angels all day long are not even real! I mean honestly, you think they act like that when it's that time of the month? Trust me, no girl is happy during that time! I never used to be this sarcastic though, Lisa was reminding me of that at dinner. I was a very sheltered little girl. I didn't say a curse word until I was 16 years old. (I said "shit" when I was house sitting and spilled hamster bedding all over their floor, it was a mess!) I was looking through all my old yearbooks from high school and virtually every comment says, "Ashley, you are just the sweetest thing, don't ever change!" I think it's too late for that...I've put aside my halo and I've become human.
Oh okay, back on track...so my mom has really been struggling with her dad's passing, as she should be. And she's acting like she belongs in the looney bin, she just stares into space and when you ask her a question, it's like you're talking to a wall. She hardly talks, it's the complete opposite from her day to day personality. I miss everything about her. Going out to eat, watching our weekly shows, laughing at my stupid jokes, just everything. We're one in same...and I can not wait for this week to be over. Things should resume back to how they were.
I have been very...lucky, to have lived with my mother for 22 years. I have attempted to move out into my own place about 300 times and for some reason it just hasn't happened yet. I'm really not worried about it; I'm not 30 years old, I don't have a child, I'm pretty okay.
A little about my mom you ask? She looks a lot like me, she's 5'8'' with blonde hair. Oh yeah, and hazel eyes. (mine are brown) (and I have brown hair) (and I'm only 5'51/2"). Okay point being, we already look alike...we have the same smile and face structure. My mother is the absolutely strongest woman that I know of. She is also the most stubborn, fun, drive me up a wall, can make me laugh and cry at the drop a dime, person that I know of.
For the past couple of years, my mom's dad has been struggling with lung and throat cancer. He made the decision last year to not continue with chemo, he would just finish up his last bit of radiation and time will take it's course. Mind you, he lived with us...in our house (in the master bedroom, forcing my mother to live in our guest room). He lived with us for four months, it felt like 6 years. Anyways, that was awhile ago. He started doing worse, so we moved him up here again, however he's been at the Hospice House (I know, it sounds terrible but it's a very nice place) He needs full on 24 hour medical attention with his condition worsening. This past week has been one of the most difficult times for my mom, to sit and watch her dad pass away is a horrible experience. She's been there 24 hours a day, everyday for the past week. And my mom is NOT the type to take off work (dedicated employee to the max!) None of us were that close with my grandfather, but in times of need, family comes together. I've been going to the hospital everyday to sit with my mom because I feel like at any minute she is just going to break. So if anything, I'm there for her. And I think she's been doing better with each day, but she is still really out of it.
My mom's best friend, Lisa, drove from Colorado to be with her during this time. She's amazing, definitely my second mom. We all go out to eat tonight (God knows my mom needs it, she didn't eat for 3 days). And my mom and I are sitting next to each other and Lisa looks at both of us and says "You are definitely your mother's child". And I just look at my mom and smile. Every once in awhile, I'll catch myself saying something that sounds just like my mom and I think to myself, "Nooo....this isn't happening!" It's generally when I say something a little bitchy. Everyone knows that I can be a bit on the bitchy side, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Those people that are complete angels all day long are not even real! I mean honestly, you think they act like that when it's that time of the month? Trust me, no girl is happy during that time! I never used to be this sarcastic though, Lisa was reminding me of that at dinner. I was a very sheltered little girl. I didn't say a curse word until I was 16 years old. (I said "shit" when I was house sitting and spilled hamster bedding all over their floor, it was a mess!) I was looking through all my old yearbooks from high school and virtually every comment says, "Ashley, you are just the sweetest thing, don't ever change!" I think it's too late for that...I've put aside my halo and I've become human.
Oh okay, back on track...so my mom has really been struggling with her dad's passing, as she should be. And she's acting like she belongs in the looney bin, she just stares into space and when you ask her a question, it's like you're talking to a wall. She hardly talks, it's the complete opposite from her day to day personality. I miss everything about her. Going out to eat, watching our weekly shows, laughing at my stupid jokes, just everything. We're one in same...and I can not wait for this week to be over. Things should resume back to how they were.
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